movement update!

lately i've been pretty sure that i'm starting to feel movement...

as i've been procrastinating and wasting time on the web, i had my hand on my belly, and my computer laying top of my hand (i'm in bed... still in my pajamas, too. woops? it's my day off, though, so it's not so bad, right?)

anyhow, i've been feeling what i've assumed are thumps and bumps from the inside, but i'm hesitant to be sure that it's baby. then, just moments ago, not only did i feel a bump from the inside, but i felt it with my hand too and i saw the movement from my laptop. it was slight, but it was still there.

that's definitely not gas. :D

"hippie" is relative...

ben says i'm a hippie for where we live, in wyoming. but if we were in, say, seattle, i would not be a hippie at all.

i think he's right though.

i'm a nut about recycling (or i try to be), and i would prefer all organic (if it wasn't so stinkin' expensive... if we move to a land that isn't mostly sand and dirt instead of good, rich soil, i would like to put more effort into growing my own produce), and i'm deeply passionate about the fair-trade movement.

i'm also more and more on the convinced side that i want to use cloth diapers. and i really want a wrap in which to carry my baby. (and yet we're registered for a stroller as well.... see? not a "seattle hippie")

i still have a lot of research to do concerning cloth diapers. mostly which brands/for what cost/etc... thankfully i have friends whom, through the glorious technology of facebook, are easy to contact and have experience in the areas of cloth diapering. plus the wide network of fellow preggos i often associate with in the chat forums of thebump; they have also been highly helpful in my quest for diaper-wisdom.

but when it comes down to the biggest push for cloth diapers, i just can't bear the thought of all my baby's diapers sitting in some landfill. it's like nails on a chalkboard for me. ("wyoming hippie")

i also have issues with plastic bags, and yet i keep forgetting to bring my reusable bags to the grocery store with me, and thus i have to keep using their plastic bags if i want to lug my purchases to my car without a struggle.

i'm just all over the place, i guess.

but back to cloth diapers and baby wraps:

so far, here are my pros for using cloth:

• i'm not adding thousands of diapers that will just plague our beautiful planet and her inhabitants until the end of time/armageddon because it's made of a material that isn't biodegradable. (i take personally and seriously the charge that God gave to adam and eve to take care of this earth and her creatures within. i feel i have not done a good enough job in that area. but then, there are also bigger issues, like human suffering, wars, hatred, violence. it's an ongoing struggle for me on where to draw the line, and what should take precedence concerning my time and energy.)
• in the long run, it does save money (especially if we have multiple children, which is the plan, and thus can be used and reused for quite some time). to quote a lady from the bump: "i can cloth diaper my child to potty training for about $500 and reuse those diapers for future children. as far as laundry costs, 3-4 more loads a week won't cost that much at all. the average child uses 5,000-8,000 diapers by potty training. at an average of 25 cents each, the cost saving are easy to see."

that right there is enough to convince me.... but wait, there's more!

• there are now biodegradable liners that can be used in cloth diapers so that the changing/cleaning process isn't nearly as tedious as it once was.
• not that i worry as much about chemicals as, say, my mom, or perhaps "seattle hippies", but there are a lot of chemicals used to make disposable diapers. i can't stand the feel of synthetic underwear. and while i know my baby won't remember the feel of a diaper on his/her skin, i'd still much rather put my child in something soft and natural, not chemical filled.
• supposedly (from another lady on thebump) cloth diapering leads to fewer rashes for baby and sooner potty training, "because they can feel what's going on down there" (her words, not mine) - i don't know if it's true, but i'd like to believe it makes sense.
• they are pretty cute, and they come in different patterns/colors... (i know, not really a valid reason to choose one thing over another, but clearly it's just one more reason in a line of already valid points.)
• and one of my favorite reasons (another from my "friends" at thebump): "pooplosions!" (i think the only reason it's my favorite is because of the word combo of "poop" and "explosions" - genius!) apparently, according to several ladies' experiences (one came up with the genius term, and others concurred with the experience), pooplosions in a disposable diaper are not well contained (if at all), and are a disgusting mess to clean up. pooplosions in a cloth diaper are no more difficult to clean up after than a regular poop. (ie - you're not also cleaning it out of baby's clothes, hair, the car seat, etc.)

and for the cons to cloth diapering?

• you do have to wash them, as you can't just throw them away. but with my biggest reason for preferring cloth diapers being one of the environment, i don't want to just throw them away, so this one is kind of lost on me. yes it's more work, but it's worth it.
• newborns go through so many diapers, and i'm told i'll be tired enough as it is, that i won't want to have to wash that many cloth diapers at the start. maybe this is naive, but i'd like to think i'll be able to handle the extra load of diapers with the rest of our laundry, especially since i'll be staying at home after the baby is born. it'll be a struggle at first, i'm sure, but again, still worth it to me.
• i've heard the argument as well that the water/energy used to wash them cancels out any savings, but after looking into the dollars and cents of it all, i'm not so sure i'm convinced of that one.
• i can't really think of any others........

so that pretty much settles it for me. as long as ben isn't abhorrently opposed to cloth diapers, i have no desire whatsoever to use any disposables. (granted, we do have quite a few disposables that were purchased on sale/have already been given to us, and i will use those up - but to buy/register for more? i'll cringe every time i throw one in the garbage, not just because of the smell, but knowing that i'm adding to the waste that's already overabundant on our planet. i just can't do it.)

and as for the wraps... i think i'm in love with these ones (some can get pretty expensive, but a majority of them are moderately priced, and comparable to the ever-growing-in-popularity moby wrap, which, for almost the same price, i find to be dull and boring in comparison)...

i have a hard time picking a favorite print, but i think it's a toss up between this one, this one, this one, this one, this one or this one. :P

(my only problem in deciding is that some of the more floral ones might be a little... awkard? if we have a boy. i have yet to determine if it really matters or not. afterall, i'm the one wearing it, he will just be in it. but again, that would only be an issue if we have a boy. but who knows, maybe i'll wait till after baby is born before i make up my mind on which one... if i even decide to go that route at all.)

oh, and one more thing:

sausage fingers!!! (warning: the picture you're about to click on may be disturbing... but i'm pretty sure it's a fake, so it's all good)

my wedding ring is getting almost too tight to keep wearing. and the weird thing is that my hands and feet don't look or feel swollen. i mean, my fingers don't even feel like sausage fingers, but pretty soon here, i think i'm gonna have to start wearing my ring on a necklace :(

but speaking of wedding rings...

happy 3 years of glorious wedded bliss, honey! :D

(this morning i got ben to watch our wedding video with me. best day ever.)

updates all around...

movement: i believe it was monday, june 7th, that i felt the first "could this be it? is it really? has the moment finally arrived???" flutter. i was in the shower reaching for something, and it felt like air bubbles tingling in my stomach. and then that night, as i was trying (rather unsuccessfully) to fall asleep, i was sure that i felt a poke, like an elbow or a fist? but i can't be sure of either of these, because, while i still think i might be feeling movement every now and then, it's so sparse and random and few in occurrence that i have very little to go by. it could very well just be gas, but i've heard that women often confuse the first few movements for gas, and i'm not even sure what gas feels like - only what it sounds and smells like... woops! tmi? :P so anyhow, i figured, i might as well take it as the first few movements and enjoy it. i just wish our little mushroom would start moving more and more pronouncedly that i could be sure it is in fact what i'm feeling. ben keeps asking when he'll be able to feel movement. i wish i had an answer for him.

love and marriage: ben and i will be married for 3 years tomorrow. just as it's still inconceivable to me (at least to some degree) that there's a baby in me, that tiny little DNA combo of ben and myself just swimming around in amniotic fluid surrounded by Helga and organs and tissue and hip bones and whatever else my body consists of... it's still hard to believe that i'm married and to someone who i find so perfectly wonderful, he still makes my heart flutter (and with much more certainty than baby's possible flutters that i think i'm feeling as of late). when i was a little girl, i didn't dream about being a doctor or a chef or even a barista or artist, or any profession really. (there was a brief moment where i wanted to be a school bus driver. i'm not sure how long it lasted - a few days maybe? but it ended abruptly when i found a very creepy, evilly ginormous, white spider in my playschool toy bus... i think my hatred for spiders started there too.) what i dreamt about most as a little girl was being a wife and mother.

to be living that dream, as simple as it is, i still find it hard to believe, but i thank God every day for ben, and for the baby in my belly (and continue to pray that this baby keeps growing stronger and healthier each day, arriving safe and sound in october).

employment: sadly, however, my days as a barista are coming to an end (probably not permanently, but at least for now). on friday i had to give my two weeks' notice to my boss of the coffee shop i've been working at since november. she was so understanding and supportive, but it's still frustrating to not be able to do a job that i love and once did so easily. in some regards, i feel like i'm admitting defeat. but the fact of the matter is that these changes in my body have made it painfully difficult to work 20+ hours on my feet, with side-effects of brain loss (or so it seems) and exhaustion. i can barely live up to the requirements of the job, and in consulting with my doctor and nurses, it will only get more difficult and painful (back aches, sciatica, muscle tearing, round ligament pain, etc.), especially if i'm on my feet for all that time.

thankfully, the wine shop next door to us (literally no more than 20 feet away door-to-door) was hiring, and i was able to gain employment with them once i've finished at the coffee shop. i'll be able to sit a lot more, and even when it's busy, i can't imagine it will be the same level of stress or intensity as a crowd of caffeine-crazed customers anxiously awaiting their drug of choice.

other: my next check-up with baby is two weeks from tomorrow. and in addition to mine and ben's anniversary tomorrow, i will be 5 months along, with only 4 months to the day left to go (but as always, that's if baby shows up on his or her due date...)

and i'm so very excited to meet this little one. the fear of birth has been melting away as the excitement grows... although if i get to thinking about it too much, i'm still not looking forward to the physical implications of bringing a baby into the world (and out of my womb), but i believe i'm coming to terms with it.

(and that's all i've got for now...)

okay, ya little hairball!

i've been feeling what i'm told is heartburn a lot more frequently.

i don't like it.

it's not a burning sensation in my chest, but it's a feeling that starts in my stomach, and before i even realize it, it's in my throat, and it's this uncomfortable, almost puke-y feeling. and as i just stated, i don't like it. not one bit. i think i need to pick up some more seltzer water. or tums? i like the thought of seltzer water better.

but i remember reading somewhere (somewhere legit, i just can't remember where) that of all the old wives' tales regarding bodily functions/positionings/etc. and their correlation to the baby in the womb, heartburn and the hairiness of a baby really are related.

something about how the hormones that help produce hair for the baby also have a side-effect of heartburn. so at least my baby won't be a total cue-ball, right? (good thing we bought that cookie monster hairbrush and comb set!)

great success!

i flossed this morning. and bought more flossers since we're running low. i still have yet to conquer the floss-threaders required for me to floss around the permanent retainer still located on my bottom jaw, but at least i'm making progress on the rest of my teeth.

i also discovered what my belly button will look like once it's converted to outie-ism. i was quite fearful of even just the thought of it at first (will it hurt? will it ever go back? will it catch on things and get torn off?), but these fears have subsided as i looked down at the little nubbin, repeatedly pressing down on the skin around my belly button while pushing out with my stomach muscles.

when i showed ben, he said i should stop doing that. i think it grosses him out a little. but it's still super fun. (i'll try to get a picture of the "before" and simulated "after" before it's officially popped.)

confession time:

i think i've only flossed once since i found out that there's a baby growing inside of me.

i know i'm supposed to take better care of my teeth now that i'm pregnant. i realize that i'm more at risk for gum disease due to the hormonal changes of pregnancy. i'm aware that i should be flossing now more than ever...

but i still brush every day - quite vigorously! and i haven't been puking at all, let alone regularly, so it's not like i have to worry about my enamel being worn down in those regards.

however, i did also cancel my cleaning appointment today. i had forgotten all about it until i got a call reminder from my dentist's office (or i should say, former dentist's office).

in my defense, the last time i went to see them for a cleaning, i ended up getting a cavity filled - granted, i hadn't seen a dentist since ben and i got married, which had been about 2.5 years at that point. i'd say only one cavity? maybe one too many, but still not too bad by my book.

getting a cavity filled normally doesn't bother me all that much. when i get enough novocaine, that is.

i tried to tell the dentist that i'm a huge baby when it comes to pain, that i could still sense feeling in the tooth he was working on. he replied that he used to give his patients two shots if they wanted it, but no one was requesting it, so he stopped even offering.

so i get through that nightmare of a filling, but then for at least a week and a half more, my jaw is still tight, sore, and ached all the way to my ears...

suffice it to say, i've no need to return to his office, and am now looking for a new dentist.