a brief intermission...

from my ridiculously long-winded accounts of moving from and living in what i am convinced is the windiest place on earth... i have matters fitting for a baby update - although i can make no guarantee that this one won't also be ridiculously long-winded, but here goes:

last night ben and i started a six week perinatal education course at the mayo clinic. it's very informative, and i'm entirely excited for these courses. i want to be as prepared as i can possibly be for squirting out this kid, and we all know that knowledge is power, so there ya go.

it was fun to meet other couples expecting around the same time, and two of them are going to the same doctor that i'll be seeing at the end of august, so i was able to relieve my worries there by finding out a little bit more about this new stranger who will be so thoroughly involved with the inner-workings of my body. here's what i found out: she's easy to get along with, has a great sense of humor, and snorts when she laughs. this is highly encouraging to me, as i know i will need someone upbeat and cheery when i'm screaming from the ends of my hair follicles right down through to the tips of my toes.

(not that i anticipate being that vocal during delivery, but having never done this before, i'm really not sure just how i'll react, and as i said before, i want to be prepared for everything. maybe this is my calling to be a den mother for boy scouts - isn't that their motto, "always prepared" - or something to that effect?)

meanwhile, i'm noticing more and more movement from little mushroom. mostly i think because i'm not as active as i was back in wyoming - i'm not working, and there's not a lot that needs to be done around here (unlike the moving/cleaning/etc. i was up to my nose in right before we moved).

ben and i have come to the conclusion that when i'm moving around, the baby is probably comforted, like a rocking or swaying sensation, and thus content to curl up and rest. but when i'm sitting/laying down and not moving much at all, that's when i feel baby the most, so he or she is probably bored and moving around for funsies?

it's nice to feel baby more, but i still have a hard time feeling pregnant, or honestly believing that there really is a baby in there...

i think part of my disbelief is i still fear that something will go horribly wrong, and so until i have this baby in my arms, i'm afraid to fully believe it. when ben and i were getting married, i was able to dive head first into excitement, because i knew he was/is a man of his word, that he loves me, and that he wasn't going to back out at the last minute. i knew that even if all the details didn't go as planned, it wouldn't stop us from getting married. sure, something beyond mine or ben's control could have happened to him (or me) that would have drastically affected our ability to get married (like some horribly fatal accident), but i was able to not worry and trust that come june 16th, 2007, i would become mrs. ben's wife. and i did. (much to my continued joy and excitement.)

but with this baby, i feel like there's more opportunity for something to go horribly, drastically, fatally wrong. i could do everything right, but if my body is physically flawed, or i get into an accident, or who knows, and we could lose this baby. that terrifies me. i'm having a much harder time trusting. i do okay at not thinking about it for most of the time, but that nagging little fear is prowling in the back of my mind, and it's hard to let go. i'm afraid if i let it off the leash to try to send it away, it'll just take over, running rampant through all my thoughts instead of just some of them.

i think that's why i've been having dreams about ben leaving. just last night i dreamt that he left me because of the stress of some spy job we were on, and he felt that i was just using him. and i've had similar dreams before of him leaving or dying or just not being there... i wake up feeling anxious and distressed. these dreams are so devastating to me, and they leave me feeling clingy and needy, wanting to call to ben, drive to his work and visit him the moment i wake up, just so i can see him and know that these dreams are completely insubstantial.

and that's how i feel with this growing little offspring still inside of me. except i have no track record to comfort me. with ben and these dreams, i'm able to look back at our life together, at what reality has proven, and know that these dreams are entirely untrue. but with this baby, i know i need to have complete faith that everything will work out how it's supposed to, how God intends it too. and i guess that's what faith really is, right? believing something for the best even though you have no concrete evidence to support it.

time to put on some george michael's "gotta have faith" and totally ignore the amorous overtones and lyrical subject matter? why not.

on the road again, a nightmare and a blessing

i figured i should probably recount the move back from wyoming to minnesota, as it was quite the adventure:

while ben was pursuing the job opening in owatonna, we had been pretty attentive to organizing, downsizing and packing what we could in preparation. so the getting everything packed was kind of a breeze really - even to the end of it when i was still packing those last remaining odds and ends while the truck was being loaded. i think the only issue there was that i kept running out of boxes, so we had to keep scavenging for more.

the nightmare part of moving was the *ahem* minor(?) fender-bender that i managed to pull off just two days before we were supposed to leave. the details are embarrassing, but let me just say this: a parked car was hit (at a very low speed), and mine was not the parked car. i was completely fine, i called my doctor to see if i needed to come in to check on little baby mushroom, and was told that "the baby is so deep down in that pelvic girdle, there's nothing to worry about."

so okay, his car had a bit of a gash in the back bumper. my car? the hood crumpled like a piece of tinfoil, the wheel-well was torn up and troubled, the front right headlight - while still working - was now smashed in, making my car shine a little lazy-eyed, and the right blinker was obliterated. they sure don't make cars like they used to. but the tow-truck guy said that they could "rough it out" and i'd be able to drive it just fine. i called the next day to check the status on the "roughing" and was told "this car is not drivable whatsoever."

insert total sobbing freak-out.

if we couldn't drive my car, that meant we would have to drive ben's truck, which is a stick shift, which i can't drive. (thankfully - one of the many blessings of the trip, one of our friends and ben's former college roommate, chris, came out to help us move and drove the whole way back so i didn't have to. he could drive stick, so at least it was an option.)

but ben's truck, while sturdy and (most of the time) reliable, is not a creature of comfort. the fabric on the roof is sagging and sits on your head unless you're short or scootch down in your seat. the air conditioning and radio are no longer functioning, and while the cd player does work, there's only one cd he has in the car, and it's some country mix he made way-back-when. the seats definitely don't recline, and leg space is also limited.

we drove this car out last summer when bringing ben to wyoming, and it wasn't the most luxurious ride, but i did fine. i also wasn't 6.5 months pregnant at the time, i was much more flexible and compactable, and lacking the body temperature of a furnace.

i did not want to ride in ben's truck for 18 hours, and the u-haul, while having AC, didn't look much more promising in terms of comfortability, plus it would have meant chris having to drive the entire trip by himself in ben's truck, which i wouldn't have been a joy-ride for him, and i'd have felt badly for it.

i had called my mom at one point for some moral support, but that didn't really help matters... (although i can definitely laugh about it now, so no harm done?) i was explaining the situation to her, i was tense, and her being the mother bear always looking out for her cubs, started to go in defense mode, worrying about my safety in all of this. apparently, u-haul's "jiggle your insides too much" (her exact words), and i shouldn't be riding in one. (sometimes she can be a little over-protective, but i always know she means well.)

more stressed-out sobbing ensued. i'm pregnant and hormonal, it's to be expected.

then, when the insurance lady called to get the scoop on the accident, i started bawling as i'm telling her all the details, and she gives me a glimmer of hope: "whether or not the car is street legal doesn't concern us as your insurance providers. it's a risk you have to decide whether or not you're willing to take, but it's your right to make that decision. as for whether or not it's drivable, get it checked out by another place, and see what they have to say about it."

so we did. i was informed that my airbag-trigger was within inches of being set-off, that got me a little paranoid for a day, but ever so grateful that it didn't go off (another blessing). also, my tires needed to be realigned, which they did. that was it. as far as they could see and tell, my car would make it to minnesota (probably the most relieving blessing of all).

so with the help of some fabulous friends, ben and chris finished getting the u-haul loaded up. we got ben's truck on the trailer, and my car macgyvered with a wire-screen type barrier to keep the cat in the back trunk area of my subaru forester. cats are not good travelers, they do horribly with any change to their living environments, and mine could be the poster child for said attributes. she twice managed to finagle herself around the makeshift fence, and proceeded to secure herself under the driver's seat. we finally forced her out, and chris found the winning set-up to keep the wire screen in place and the cat at bay.

the drive itself wasn't bad at all. we left by about 8:30 a.m., though ben left earlier, and we didn't meet up with him again until our resting stop for the evening in chamberlain, south dakota, which - due to the hour and a half we spent over lunch and multiple stops along the way - chris and i finally reached at about 9-ish. my legs would start to cramp a little from sitting so much, and my feet were imagining themselves to be puffer-fish, minus the spikes, but again, it was so much better than if we'd had to ride in ben's truck the whole way. the next morning we left chamberlain by 8; once again, ben left earlier, so we didn't see him till we reached albert lea at about 1:30/2 p.m.

chris and ben and ben's dad unloaded the u-haul into the storage unit that we reserved while we wait for housing to go through (more on that another time), and then we drove up to red wing that evening so we could get chris to the train station the next morning so he could get back to chicago.

by sunday evening we were back in albert lea and finally getting settled into ben's parents' house. (we've taken over his brother jonathan's room for the time being. with jon working at camp most of the summer and then going back to college after that, it works out pretty well.)

so now, here we are. everyone is working but me - and seeing as i only have a short time left that i'll be able to work, it's pretty pointless for me to look for anything right now. i'm okay with that.

[next in my series of baby-blog novellas: "ode to wyoming!"]

a quick update that isn't really an update...

there's so much i've been meaning to write about, plus i need to take more pictures - at 29 weeks and 3 days, baby has moved up another fruit size, and i'm sure the difference is noticeable :P

but for now, let me just say this:

i keep getting zits on the inside of my ears, and they're driving me nuts. how am i supposed to pop a zit i can neither see nor reach?

my feet are constantly swollen, even when i put them up. i wake up with puffy feet, and i go to bed with even puffier feet. but as i told ben this morning, i'd rather have swollen feet than stretch marks. (which i've been able to get away with only a slight few, and none on my belly. if they do show up, so be it, but i'll gladly do without if i can.)

moving is a lot more exhausting during pregnancy than i would have expected. granted, it was nice not to have to lift a single thing into or out of that u-haul truck (and to all our friends who helped, we really can't thank you enough!!!) but sheesh, i am zonked! i guess i figured since all i had to do was pack up our stuff and ride in a car, i wouldn't be so worn out by the time we got here.

i was thinking i'd take monday to catch up on energy and then be back to normal (whatever "normal" is at 6.5 months pregnant...)

but ben's mom said i'd need a few days.

she's definitely right. i need a nap.

i honestly have a hard time understanding how growing a baby could take so much effort that what little i did to get us moved out here would knock me out so easily. it's still so frustrating to feel so limited. (bending over now involves impersonating the elderly.)

that being said, this pooped little preggo is headed back to snoozeville for a little nap time.

hallelujah!

i passed my glucose test, which means i don't have gestational diabetes!

i wasn't worried that i did, but they test all preggos for it these days, and if your results are over the cut off even by one point, you have to go back and do the whole thing again, only you have to fast for 12 hours prior, then they take your blood 3 times over 3 hours while you wait at the hospital, and the first test seems a little faulty because something like 2/3 of women fail the first test, and then pass the second one. sounds pretty obnoxious, if you ask me!

anyhow, the whole process wasn't so bad, except getting my blood drawn. that pinch of the needle, ooooohhhhh, makes my skin crawl. i just hate it. every time. and i have some serious bruising on my arm where they took the blood out. really folks, there's gotta be an easier way to do this!

but all in all, i'm very relieved. with the upcoming move and all that it entails, the last thing i need right now is another something to keep track of.

really?

so i've been looking into which doctors our insurance covers in owatonna (where we're moving to) and i've discovered that owatonna only has 3 obgyns - all male. ummm, really?!?! i find this hard to believe that there is not a single female obgyn in this town of 24,000 plus.

maybe this makes me a little conservative, but the only man i want so involved with my body (as is required for birthing and such) is ben. and he sells paint. not so qualified at baby catching. (although, if worst-case-scenario came up, and he had to, i'm sure he'd do an excellent job.)

which means i'm now looking into the obgyns at mayo clinic in rochester - since our insurance has a number of covered obgyns that work out of mayo, and as long as there is even one single doctor within a 30 mile radius from where ben and i live, they won't even consider adding another doctor to their in-network list. not that there's even a female doctor for me to want added.

(my mom said she wanted to do cartwheels at the thought of me giving birth at the best hospital in the entire nation. i'm still a little miffed that we'll probably have to make the 45 minute commute for the remainder of our check-ups and the big-day itself, but it is rather comforting to know that at least it is such a reputable place.)

but the real kicker? one of the doctors covered at mayo shares a connection with this baby already: remember the Petra dream? well she shares the same first name. for realsies. (and i think my subconscious has a real sense of humor, because of all the pictures of the doctors i can go to at mayo, i like Petra's the best...)

so uh.... we'll see who i end up with, but i have a feeling i know who it'll end up being :P

so much for having the nursery done....

some time after we found out about little baby mushroom's impending arrival, ben and i started talking about moving back to minnesota to be close to family again.

the way we figured it, ben would contact the district manager back in minnesota, let him know that we were interested in moving back to the area, and that if any job openings came up out there, ben would like to put his name in and be considered for the job. originally, ben had planned to call sometime in august, and we both figured that there wouldn't be any openings or that we wouldn't move back that way till a few months after the baby is born. (why we figured this, i'm not completely sure. maybe just our ideal of how it would work? who knows.)

anyhow, i started to worry, though - i didn't want to end up moving too close to the due date, and for one reason or another, ben ended up calling the district manager for southern minnesota sometime back in june.

turns out there was a lot of movement happening in that area, and many possible openings for ben to consider applying for... long story short, a lot of doors were opened, there was one store/town in particular that we really wanted to be in, but it seemed it might be a bit of a stretch for ben to get the position. i'm convinced that God is behind it all, because sure enough, the position ben wanted opened up. he applied for it, and was given the official offer on monday.

we're still waiting on the final verdict for when the district manager for wyoming will have a replacement ready so that we can leave, but they want us back in minnesota by august 1st. we'll probably end up leaving by the 29th or 30th of july, but it's possible we won't get out till the 1st or 2nd.

and now we're in crunch-mode. boxes are everywhere, we're packing up as much as we feel we can live without for the next week and a half, trying to figure out a place to live (which isn't the easiest from over 1000 miles away, but with ben's parents close by to the town that we'll be moving to, they have been a huge blessing in checking out the area for us and looking at rentals and helping us figure it all out. thanks again, momma & poppa B!!!), i'll need to find a new doctor, oh yeah, and we'll have to re-set-up the nursery. i'm okay with it... we're both just so very excited to be close to family again.

so if i don't find time to update in the next week and a half, well, i hope you'll understand.

three's company...

i only have one 3rd of this pregnancy left to go!

(i originally posted that i'm a 3rd of the way done, but then ben corrected my preggo-brain's lack of math skills telling me, "you're two-thirds of the way done." whoops! thanks, hun!)

exactly 3 months left to go (well... presumably - you know how it is - but if baby IS born on the due date, ben and i will have been married for exactly 3 years and 3 months), and tomorrow i start my 3rd trimester.

this is crazy!

and in 3 days, i get to celebrate this baby with a bunch of friends (oh boy, do i love a party!)

i really need to take a new bump picture soon - probably on sunday when i'm all dolled up for the festivities... (i'm so excited!)

:D

PS - AND (in keeping with today's "three-theme") i've encountered and had to terminate 3 of those horrid, ugly, vile, disgusting, evil creatures known as "spiders" - blech! i think spider-man is the only spider who should be allowed to live. (mostly because he's fictional and played by tobey mcguire, who's a total cutie. although if i ran into him in real life, all webby and climbing walls and junk, i'd probably want him killed off too.... whoops?)

well, and i should admit, i had help with the execution of the second spider. it was dangling right in front of me as i stood up from grabbing something off the floor. i was very relieved that i didn't stand up into the blasted thing - it would have been in my hair, and i wouldn't even have known! i shrieked in pure terror, and thankfully the gracious lady i was working with today came and saved me. but the first and last i managed to dispatch of myself.

the last one was just an itsy bitsy spider, and i had no problem killing it. the thing was so small in all proportions that it almost looked cute... almost.

the first one i was pretty proud of my mcguyver skills in that i managed to trap it in a beer bottle - and this little bugger was crafty! kept trying to crawl away, and almost crawled ON me. :::shudders::: but i was victorious! i found that practically empty beer bottled (there were a few drops left), managed to capture him in it and tape off his only route of escape, leaving him to get drunk and die in the bottom of the bottle. peta might hate me, but i'm okay with it.