this one's for you mom...

my mom continually asks me if milo has discovered his hands yet, claiming that this was one of her favorite things that my brother and i did as babies: stare at our hands in beguiled amazement.

well mom, yesterday evening, while holding my finger in his fist, milo was staring at his hand. and he certainly had that look of wonder and confusion on his face.

"hold the phone here, folks, you mean *i* can CONTROL these things?!?! i move it up, it moves up! i move it to the side, it moves to the side! that's ca-raaaazy!"

it didn't last for very long; he soon got distracted by something, hunger? the cat? a burp? i can't remember, but it sure was fun while it lasted.

another milestone: (they say it's the best medicine out there...)

milo is about three and a half months old now.

with how fast he's growing, grandma & grandpa z decided to give him his first pair of red cowboy boots before they headed back to chicago. they're antiques that my dad found, and they're a little big on him, but he'll probably outgrow them soon enough, and they give him that bit of extra support in his exersaucer that i think makes the whole thing more enjoyable for him.

(without the boots, only his tippy toes touch the bottom, and then just barely... technically, we're supposed to wait another half month and until milo can sit up on his own - and by that i think they mean not being propped up - until he can be in it. but he's getting so big that he almost fits, and he has pretty good control of his neck muscles, so i've been putting him in it for a little while now... gives me a few extra minutes each day to try and get stuff done.)

anyhow, with three people giving him all sorts of undivided silly attention, and his new boots, and his exersaucer, milo was just having a grand ol' time.

and then it happened.

grandma was holding him and playing with him, making fun noises and such, and he's smiling with his mouth wide open the whole time when suddenly he let out the cutest little laugh. i suppose it was more like a chuckle really, just a two-bit little "ha-ha."

but we've all been so anxious to hear him laugh, as i could tell he's been on the verge of laughing for awhile. i'm excited to try and get more out of him.

laughter is good for the soul. :D

if i only had a brain?

sometimes - like, oh, say at 5 in the frikkin' morning when i've been wide awake since milo woke up at 2:30 am, but has been sound asleep for 2 hours now - i wish my head were filled with straw instead of brains.

i think too much. or perhaps i'm not getting enough intellectual/creative stimulation during the day?

who knows, but either way, for the past two nights, milo has been waking up after 6 hours of sleep instead of the 8 hours of sleep that he had done the previous three nights in a row... maybe it was just a fluke, maybe this is just a fluke, i have no idea which it's gonna be.

regardless, i was excited, relieved and loving the 8 hour version of his sleep schedule, and a little perturbed by his return to the 6 hour version. total, he still gets close to 10 hours of sleep at night, so it's really not so bad except that this time, or these past two nights at least, i'm now wide awake and short of over the counter sleep aids or shots of strong liquor (both of which i'm avoiding, as i don't want to be dependent on drugs to be able to sleep), there's nothing i can do to shut off my brain...

my thoughts have started to feel like a whiney, pestilent, obnoxious child.... i try to ignore them. i try to think of things that are calming, i try to pray, i try reading in the bathtub (in a hot bath, of course... it would be silly to simply sit in a bathtub reading at 3 in the morning), i try imagining myself in a pillowy field of soft, white dandelions, beautiful blue sky, and milo with a very loving and well equipped babysitter (that's the key to that fantasy, really)...

but it's not too long into any of these methods that another thought, a distracting, engaging, rabbit-hole thought pops into my head. i forget that i'm trying to fall asleep, and i start following the thought. it could be a previous conversation that i'm replaying in my head, or anticipating future conversations with people over things that will probably never even come up - like should i skip MOPS tomorrow since i have the "baby and me" class, too, and i'm already lacking in sleep, and perhaps milo will want to sleep from 8-10 (doubtful, but a girl can dream... maybe...)

oh glory, and my thoughts ramble on worse than i do...

the scarecrow wished for a brain...

it's now 5:20, and i'm wishing for straw :\

he's a teenager!

well, not really, but kind of...

on saturday, milo hit 13 weeks, and on sunday he was 3 months old!

we signed up for a "baby and me" class through owatonna's community ed. so far it's only milo and myself plus one other family who couldn't make it today due to car troubles, but i'm excited to get to meet other moms. MOPS is fun, and i definitely enjoy it, but i don't really feel like i'm able to develop any friendships there... maybe it's just that way during winter? and while this "baby and me" class conflicts a little bit with the MOPS meetings (MOPS is the 1st and 3rd tuesday of every month from 9 am - 11 am, where as "baby and me" is every tuesday for the next 3 months from 10:30 am - 11:45 am) i figure i can still go to MOPS for an hour, and then scoot on over for the "baby and me" class. the community ed center is also where the amazing newborn clinic is held, so i finally got him to that today. at just 1 oz. short of 15 pounds, he's 14 pounds, 15 oz. and 25 inches long!

his legs are chunky as ever, and he's so strong. if we hold him to help with balance, he'll support his own weight standing for even a few minutes at a time. and when he's wide awake and playful, he's always kicking his legs. ben and i figure that by next month, he'll be ready to take on david beckham and kangaroos.

we've been working on sitting, and while he supports his head just fine, he's still figuring out how to sit up on his own. not quite there yet, i still have to keep him from leaning over, but we're getting there!

i haven't caught him staring at his hands yet, but he keeps putting them into his mouth and very slobberingly chews on his fists, and tries to get his thumb in there, but hasn't really fine-tuned those skills just yet.

he has, however, mastered spit bubbles :P

lastly, we have found a glorious sleep schedule that seems to work very well for all of us, as long as we keep it consistent: if milo gets a two and a half to three hour nap during the late morning/early afternoon (plus a couple of short naps, about 20 - 45 minutes, usually), then he'll sleep for 6 hours from the time we put him down after his bed-time feeding (usually anywhere from 8:30 - 9:30 pm), he'll wake up for that middle-of-the-night-feeding, sleep for another 3 hours, usually by then ben is getting up for work, if he hasn't already left yet. i feed milo his early morning breakfast, we take another hour long snooze, and then we're up for the day and repeat the whole process over again.

i love it.

emperor's new clothes...

since this one isn't really about milo, i'll start with a brief update to satisfy the masses ;P

- we're getting better at figuring out a sleep schedule where he'll sleep at least 5 hours to start, and then usually 3 hours and 2 hours, or something close to that. i'm hoping to continue to figure out this sleep schedule better and stick to a routine so that the waking-every-other-hour nights become non-existent; those nights are still so hard on me.

- he's started smiling on a schedule, too. usually late mornings, he gets a major case of the smiles, and it keeps me from losing my marbles on mornings when we've had a rough night.

- not a huge fan of tummy time, he'll be content for maybe a few minutes tops, and then wants to be on his back again to look at the toys hanging from the play-mat. but he's becoming more content on his own (on the play-mat or in the swing) for longer periods of time while he's awake, which is helpful for me in still trying to get more stuff done throughout the day.

- he doesn't nap well on his own in the crib, but if we're holding him or he's in his swing, we can get him to nap for at least an hour or so, again, very useful for getting stuff done (or catching up on sleep, myself).

onto the clothing issue. i feel like i'm trying to grow my hair out, only worse, because it's my body, and i can only manipulate it so much (very unlike an awkward phase in hair length which can easily be bobby-pinned, hair-sprayed or pulled-back into submission). i'm torn between buying clothes that fit me now, but which i plan to no longer fit into in a matter of months (the goal is only three, but possibly up to six). for christmas i received several gift cards towards target, and one towards kohl's. my dilemma is do i continue to wear clothes that are uncomfortably too small (if only just barely, as i find ways to make them fit), or do i give in and buy clothes that fit me comfortably? the latter is so tempting, and with the fact that i have a plethora of clothing from my pre-preggo days that fit me quite nicely, once i'm ::ahem:: "a few" pounds lighter, i'd very much like to go to on a shopping spree tomorrow or monday to pick out some new duds.

but the "practical" side of me says, "no zoe, just hold out. you have enough clothes that more or less fit you, and it's more incentive to stay on the straight and narrow of healthy eating and regular exercise (which i haven't been very good at this past week and a half) if your clothes are uncomfortable. save the gift cards until you've reached your goal weight, and then enjoy splurging on the new clothes."

and then the jiminy cricket of social justice who loves to hang out on my back burner whispers in my ear, "zoe, even with giving a bunch of your old clothes to good-will recently, you still have way more clothes than you need. there are people with no clothes what-so-ever. if you want to get more new clothes, then you really should give away the clothes you have in storage."

and can you see why i get so indecisive sometimes? uffda.

well whaddya know...

last night, milo had a serious case of the wiggles. at around 7:30 or 8 at night, he usually starts getting pretty sleepy, and it's all we can do to keep him awake a little longer so we can feed him once more and so that we're going to sleep soon after putting him down. but last night was different; he was wide awake and being very interactive. it was definitely fun, but i was worried i'd be up with him till 10:30 or 11 just trying to get him to fall asleep.

my go-to method? just keep feeding him until the food coma hits and he's ready to conk out.

within an hour i think i got about 7 ounces or so in him (usually he's been taking 4 ounces at a feeding these past few days), and by 9:30 pm he was down. and he slept for a full 7 hours! ::gasp:: it was so glorious. he let out a little squeal at 3:30 am, but then turned his head and went back to sleep, and so did i.

and then after his 4:30 am feeding, he went back to sleep and we both slept for another hour and a half.

i feel so ambitious today, so awake, so energetic, so full of life! hallelujah for a really good night's rest. :)

a rolling milo gathers no stones?

milo's great feat for today happened when i put him facing down on the playmat for some tummy time this afternoon: he rolled over.

so i put him back on his belly, and he rolled over again!

granted, it was mostly a lot of leaning combined with some upper arm strength just to push himself up enough so that his face wasn't smothered, but still, it's an exciting accomplishment.

now if only we can master sleeping though the night!