Tuesday, July 26, 2011

orrrr not.

last night was another sleepless night.

i made sure to give myself wind down time. i didn't feel stressed or anxious about anything. ben and i even had some good laughs over pillow talk, which was nice.

i was exhausted, but i think it was the laughing that did me in maybe?

i found this article here on sleep issues, and so i thought i had it figured out i knew what i needed to do: eat better during the day/before bed and give myself time to unwind after getting milo to sleep. so i did that on sunday, and i actually was able to fall asleep sunday night and even fall back asleep after milo woke up at 3:30 AM and wouldn't go back to sleep for over an hour (ben finally got him back down, because i was too tired and just couldn't do it.) i did that yesterday, too, but then for whatever reason, i couldn't fall asleep. and i try not to let myself get frustrated or anxious as i wait to fall asleep and it just doesn't happen.

so i decided to get up and i wrote the last blog post thinking, "this is what's on my mind, maybe i need to share it? maybe someone somewhere out there in blog-land will benefit from hearing/reading it? etc..."

still couldn't sleep.

i haven't slept all night. i didn't sleep all night on saturday night either... and i slept very poorly last wednesday through friday night. and then milo wasn't napping well, so i couldn't get in a nap, and then i just started pushing through it, because really, what else can you do?

but i'm not sleeping. and milo's not napping. and the cycle just continues.

i've been reading Good Night, Sleep Tight on sleep training, and it all makes sense to me... so i try and follow the directions she gives, but it's hard to figure out how to adjust it appropriately to our needs, where we're at, smaller house, varying schedules, etc.

and so my biggest struggle is staying consistent. or i'll be consistent with something for a little while, and it'll work for a little while, and then something changes, and we get all out of whack, but i think this is the worst it's ever been.

even after milo was first born, and i was having difficulty nursing, and he was waking up every few hours and i was trying to do too much then, too, at least i was so exhausted that i couldn't even think, and i was able to sleep and basically function.

my parents are coming in tomorrow to help out for a few days. that should help... but this morning i decided i was going to try and sleep train milo to sleep until 6 am, since he keeps waking up over-tired, and clearly isn't getting enough sleep, and then is ready for sleep when i give him a bottle barely half an hour after he's gotten up, probably because of sunday's decision to use a bottle to help him sleep...

all these negative sleep associations that "the sleep lady" talks about, and i want to break them all at once so the whole process is quicker. i want to be consistent, but it's so hard to do when i'm going on nothing.

milo is playing contentedly in his pack n play, and that's the problem, too.... he's also learned how to push through it.... and him being over tired, it's difficult to get him to eat a full meal, it's tempting to just keep pushing formula so that i know he's eating enough, but that just leads to grazing. and again, all these "negative sleep associations" that are described in the book....

how i wish i'd had this book and read it before milo was born - but as the old adage goes, hindsight is 20/20. i read very few of the books i had before milo was born, except for happiest baby on the block, which was very helpful for when milo was a newborn, but does little to help me now...

okay, i'm done, he's getting antsy and i need to sleep.

i know it will get better, i just wish i knew how to get there, and had the energy to do it.

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