we have a stubborn baby (plus visual aids)

so yesterday was my "20 week" checkup - even though i won't officially be 20 weeks till tomorrow. it's funny though, when they first measured baby mushroom, he/she was 3 days behind, they said i'd be due on the 19th, and so tuesdays were "officially" my day for moving up each week. well yesterday, baby mushroom was measuring two days ahead, so he/she - if on time - would be arriving on the 14th. which means by their watch, i'm "officially" 20 weeks and 1 day... and this is why i always knew in my head that i'd just continue to stick with the october 16th due date (which i think i wrote about in one of my original posts).

anyhow, yesterday was the anatomy scan. one person (the ultrasound technician) now knows if our baby is actually a "he" or a "she" - it's really exciting, even though ben and i don't know, but just that our baby's gender is identifiable at this point... it amazes me. even our doctor doesn't know, since ben and i don't want to find out if we're having a boy or a girl till the baby is born, our OB told us she doesn't like to find out either until the little bugger pops out. i kind of like it that way.

even though we don't know, ben really thinks it's a girl. so of course i'm now feeling like it's probably a girl, too... but i go back and forth.

utterly exhausted from work, today, i came home and took a nap soon after...

i dreamt that i gave birth to a baby girl at work, and it was easy-peasy. i simply went into a bathroom, and like some twitch of a nose out of "bewitched" i was holding a clean, dressed baby in my arms instead of her being in my uterus. i then made a sling for her, and went back to work. (while i was making the sling, though, i set her down on the floor - she could sit up at this point, and don't worry, it was clean! and she said to me in this sweet little baby voice, "i don't like sitting on the floor.") if only child-birth was that easy, right? anyhow, after i've "birthed" and slinged her, i go back to work, and my customers and coworkers were very confused, "weren't you pregnant when you got here?" "where's your bump?" (i of course had my, ahem, flawless figure back as soon as i was holding baby), and i would point to the baby in the sling, and they just ooh-ed and aah-ed as if i'd given them a fireworks display. it was a fun dream. but i think there may be some freudian frustrations in this dream, some unconscious psycho-babble leaking out...

it's surprising to me how even though this has felt like a really easy pregnancy (no morning sickness? hallelujah! no spotting or complications so far? thank You, Lord!!!) - what i've lacked for in the really unpleasant stuff, i feel like i've made up for in the menial stuff: forgetfulness, sciatic pain - accompanied by other aches and pains, feeling overly tired - if not exhausted sometimes - and for what feels like no real reason (i haven't done anything all that tiring, but, oh yeah, i am just growing an entire human being in my womb), my getting up and down barely rivals that of the local octogenarians (like if there's something on the floor, or i need to sit on the floor to get/do something) and i'm having difficulty sleeping.

and it's frustrating to feel limited. to not push myself. to have to let things go (like having everything done/picked up/cleaned/etc. before ben gets home from work. not that he can't chip in, like i know he's stated, but if i have the time, i like to have that done for him, since i do work a handful less of hours, and i know he appreciates it). to admit that i simply can't do it all right now.

one of my coworker/friends whose already had four children gave me some really important advice though, "if you push yourself too hard, you could end up on bed-rest, and you do not want that." it's easier to pull things back a notch when i keep that in mind, but i still feel guilty, like i'm being too easy on myself, and that's where i struggle most, i think.

but now for the fun part - ultrasound pictures!!!

as i said in the title, we have a stubborn baby. he/she stayed curled up and moved arms or legs every now and then, but for the most part, kept his/her head tucked into the chest. the ultrasound technician had to work for over half an hour just to get the measurements she needed, and even had me do deep coughs to try and gently agitate the baby into moving. it kind of worked for a moment, but baby mushroom was still being difficult, so we don't have a lot of great shots, but we do have some good ones - and from what i could see, we have a pretty cute baby. :)

^ here you can see what will eventually be baby's bellybutton! (where the umbilical cord connects to the belly, lower left third of the photo). baby still has his/her head tucked down, but if you follow the umbilical cord, leads you to baby's forehead. you can see baby's eyes, little button nose, and a slight smile. i love this one.

^ this is a profile of baby. on the right is his/her head; you can see an ear, maybe? plus the nose and lips. i believe the round bump below baby's chin is still the umbilical cord coming up from the belly.

our doctor said that everything is looking exactly as it should be, very healthy - even me! (the ultrasound technician checked out my gallbladder and kidneys as well - i guess they can tell things from looking at those.) it was a great check-up, but it only makes me more anxious to be able to hold little baby mushroom, to be able to give little mushroom a name, see the color of his or her eyes, smell the top of that freshly born head... (new born babies smell so good. if they could get that smell into a laundry detergent, i would do laundry all day long just to get a whiff of that scent.)

only 4 months and 18 days to go!