"denial ain't just a river in egypt"

today is exactly 2 months away from this baby's due date.

(and we're 2 months out from mine and ben's 3rd wedding anniversary. at one point, i believe i calculated that if this baby is born "on time" ben and i will have been married for exactly 3 years and 3 months. turns out preggo brain has taken a serious toll on my math skills, as it will actually be four months, not three. whoops. also, after finding out that a friend is due mid-december, i exclaimed, "we're only one month apart!" - i guess november is no longer a month in my book... so much for thanksgiving!)

but anyhow, back to this baby... i think i'm in denial. i can feel movement, and sure, that's something. my belly feels more and more ginormous every day, and that's unavoidable. i have to get up several times in the night to use the potty because my bladder must be getting more and more squished, and that's just obnoxious. my feet get swollen to the point where they feel like they're about to pop, but ben was sweet enough to try and rub them last night in efforts to reduce the swelling. i'm not sure that it worked, but my googley eyes certainly enjoyed it.

but suddenly - despite all these constant reminders of our baby's impending arrival - i still can't believe that in 2 months, we'll have a baby in our arms. there'll be feedings and diapers to change and spit-up to clean up and crying to soothe and coos to cherish. really? really?!?!

i mean, i cant wait, and i'm still so super excited, but really? this is really going to happen?

i just can't wrap my head around it...

we're still staying with ben's parents, living in ben's brother's room, while we wait for them to close on the house that they'll be renting out to us, and subsequently fixing up before we're able to move in.

so i'm guessing the fact that we're completely unsettled, the fact that there isn't even a room available for me to start getting ready (again) for this baby, the fact that even after the house is closed on, it still needs several weeks' worth of work (fresh paint, new carpeting, kitchen remodel, and i'm sure there are other issues that need to be addressed which i can't remember at this point) before we can move all our stuff in and start the whole process of unpacking and reorganizing, that all of these factors have played a significant role with this baby-reality suddenly going AWOL on me. it all makes me very anxious...

and there's a zit on my belly, just above my newly acquired, unretractable snooze button (which ben has discovered that if you push it just right, it clicks), and it is very difficult to pop.