Monday, September 6, 2010

happy birthday? to ME?!?!

today is my birthday. my last one without children (even if we are anxiously anticipating the arrival of our first), and i'm feeling such a mixed bag of emotions:

apathetic, as it feels like there's so much more going on - between the baby, the house, ben working, labor day weekend, etc. etc., and so today is just another day like any other. plus i'm sure the fact that i'm still so anxious about everything else that needs to get done (or rather, that i'd really very much prefer to have done) before this baby arrives has made just about everything else - including my own birthday - feel so irrelevant and minor in comparison.

wistful towards my youth. i know i'm still young, in my prime even, but being so very pregnant and now a year older makes me feel so very grown-up and boring. with the current condition i'm in of bending over slowly, getting tired easily, feeling winded just from climbing a set of stairs, and it practically requiring an act of congress for me to do anything involving my feet (trying on shoes, painting my toenails, stepping into pants, and that's just the basics) - nevermind the fact that i will never have the body i did when i was 16 or even 22 (a factor full of vanity, i know) - i find myself yearning for those days that lacked any great responsibility and when i didn't even give a second thought to what i ate or how much i weighed. i was sprightly, and not just in spirit. i climbed trees and jumped over puddles. i'm not even sure if i'm capable of jumping at this magnitude.

frustrated with my own self - wanting to celebrate, but back to the first feelings of apathy and anxiety, not really knowing what i want to do, or what's even available to do. (although katrina - ben's sister - and i did go shopping at the outlet malls just outside of owatonna today. that was fun. except that i'd like to take this opportunity to address gap, old navy and all shoe stores: you really need to start carrying maternity clothes in your outlet stores, as well as a nice selection of shoes size 10 and up. i know you make them, and us preggos like to try things on, too, ya know. and our poor little feet are so swollen that not even shoes fit like they should anymore. so it'd be nice to be able to get good discounts for things that were made for our bodies, and not just the extra-large or extra-extra-large version of things made for normal bodies that make me miss the days when i fit into normal clothes.)

okay, i think that's enough of the pity-party for this birthday girl. on to more exciting things:
baby is still the size of a honeydew melon (which, coincidentally, is also the name of the color for the nursery!), and, at 34 weeks and 2 days along, i have less than six weeks to go! (did you read that right? less than 6 weeks to go!!!!! yikes?) it's already gone by so fast. i'm guessing it'll continue to be a whirlwind until our kids are having kids of their own. (and even then, does it every truly stop or slow down? i'm guessing not. i believe it was c.s. lewis who said "the future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour. whatever he does, whoever he is.")

also, baby is estimated (by standard growth averages, not my doctor) to be about 5.5 pounds, crazy! i still remember when the little squirt was barely the size of an appleseed, and pounds weren't even an option when considering baby's weight.

our last baby class is this thursday, and our next check up with the midwife is friday, so i'm sure i'll have more to report at the end of this week :)

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